In this Fourth Step you are asked to express what it is that you want the other person to understand about your experience. If you have spent time clarifying what has happened and locating your own feelings and needs in this situation, you may now know more about what you are feeling and more about what you need from the other person.

Now you are being asked to focus on what you want the other person to understand and then to express that to the other person. Ask yourself, "What do I need the other person to take in and understand?" Sort out from the whole experience the essentials of what you need the other person to grasp.

When we are in a conflict with another person, we are cut off from him or her. It is easy to get caught up in our own story about what has happened. We go over and over our side of it and don't seem to realize that we are stuck in our own heads. We are talking to ourselves. Now we need to address the other person. Expressing yourself is a step in reconnecting.