Deepening Relationship Through Emotional Connection

Staying emotionally connected to another person is one of the deepest and most basic needs that we have. Yet because we can still function well in everyday life when we are emotionally disconnected, we sometimes continue on, never realizing what we have lost.

Losing emotional connection with our significant others can happen gradually when we store up feelings without expressing them, or abruptly through the occurrence of one particularly upsetting event. If we do not repair the connection, a breach can turn into a continuing sense of alienation. We might find ourselves feeling depressed, not recognizing that it is the loss of emotional connection that is at the heart of our depression.

Having a good sense of self grows from being responded to appropriately in our earliest relationships. We depended on these relationships to supply us with responses that strengthened our positive feelings about ourselves, and to teach us how to handle our negative emotions.

We gained feelings of confidence, competence, and emotional aliveness from having our capacities and our emotions related to by our caretakers. When our earliest desires were recognized and responded to, we developed and learned to sustain a good feeling about who we were. We came to feel connected to ourselves and to others. The need to be responded to and to feel a sense of connection to others continues throughout our lives.

Because our sense of self depends on recognition from others, we form strong emotional attachments to those that recognize us. It is in our early emotional relationships that we have learned how to relate to other people's needs, as well as our own, so that later in life we can form lasting bonds with others.

We learn that relationship is not a one-way street, that the foundation of an emotional relationship is the sense of mutuality it generates. All relationships are sustained by the sense of mutuality in which each person feels connected to the other through the experience of each person being able to express their needs, and having them recognized and responded to.

Of course there are ways to adapt to not having our emotional needs met and some people can manage well without this sense of emotional connection. These people learn to take care of themselves and live productive and creative lives, often forming life-sustaining interests. However, living without the sense of emotional intimacy that occurs when relational needs are being met, limits the sense of security, contact and well-being that emotional connection provides.

To learn more about how to establish emotional connection in your relationships, please visit TruceWorks.com a free, online, conflict resolution website where two people can communicate to deepen their understanding of each other.

© 2011 TruceWorks