Guidelines for Resolving a Conflict

Conflict Resolution begins with the intention to resolve a conflict. We decide in our hearts that it is more important to be in relationship with the other person than it is to be in conflict with them.

Once we have the intention to resolve the conflict, we remove our conditioned filters and speak and listen to the other openly, actively, and empathically. We speak and listen from our heart. With our heart open, we bring observation to the conflict situation and see what has happened that has triggered our conflict. Although we recognize that we have judgments and evaluations about ourselves and the other person, we put them aside, because we realize our judgments and evaluations are barriers to resolving our conflict.

Once we have separated our judgments and evaluations from what triggered the conflict, we are free to look within and identify and articulate what we feel. We recognize that what we are feeling is connected to a need we have that is not being seen or met by the other person. When we are clear on what our need is, we express it to the other person and ask them to understand it. Mutual understanding creates attunement. Finally we ask them for a specific, concrete action that expresses their understanding of our feelings and needs.

When we keep our attention on the steps of the process, we will generate a flow of reciprocating communication with one another.