How to answer the question: What is important to you, that the other person “gets” or understands about your experience in this conflict?

Have you ever had the experience of saying something to another person, and having the other person misunderstand what you have said, taking your message in way that is very different from how you intended it? Or have you not understood your partner’s meaning? Unfortunately, we all listen through listening filters that allow certain messages in and prevent other ones from getting through. If you want to ensure that the message you are sending is the message they are receiving, ask them to reflect it back to you.

In this step, select from all of your thoughts and feelings involved in this conflict something that you specifically want the other person to take in and understand. Or is there something that you think that the other person may not be getting about what you are thinking or feeling?

You may want to begin by saying:

If the other person does not reflect your communication back accurately, two things could have happened:

It is important to be patient. Correct their reflection by giving them nonjudgmental, constructive feedback. Let the other person know that you don't feel they have understood you, and repeat your message to them saying it in a different way. Then ask them to reflect back again.

When the other person does reflect your communication back accurately, you may want to express your appreciation.